Blog Archive

During our daily travels through all things digital, we here at Nina Hale Inc Search Engine Marketing see some pretty strange search queries. Join us on a trip through the strange, the hilarious, and the down-right bizarre in round three of “Weird Searches from NHI.”

These are real searches that people conducted on Google from February, 2011 – December, 2011.

1. “Porn as pain management”
• Uh huh. Sounds like something my ex-boyfriend would have claimed: “no, really honey! It does, I read about it in Maxim.” Maybe it’s the lamest Psych 101 experiment ever, we really didn’t want to dig too deep to figure it out.
2. “Cure snoring by playing digideroo”
• Well, supposedly it strengthens your throat muscles or something… I guess if I were desperate I would try it out.
3. “Pooping for charity”
• We have one word for this: Eeeewwww! This is an alternate reality we don’t want to live in. X2 for the not wanting to go too deep into the bowels of Google search to figure out this one <ahem>.
4. “How do you fake a bladder infection?”
• This is how you might retaliate against your boyfriend’s pain management methods (a vicious cycle!)
5. “Baby pandas for sale”
• Seriously? Please also refer to our previous post with the entire list of most popular baby animals for sale (and we’re not talking about stuffed plushies).
6. “How much did milk duds use to cost”
• Our kind of searcher!
7. “Cosmic war criteria”
• It’s good that the off-the-gird community is truly planning ahead. After all, someone has to look after all us wimps unable to deal with alien invasions. But really, someday we should put together a list of the top searches we’ve identified as off-the-grid survivalists because they can get pretty wacky.
8. “Where can I get some Charlie Sheen?”
• Good question! Gimmee some of that winning magic.
9. “Equocoliptous boupouri”
• This one wins the prize for Google’s correctly identified phonetic search of the month (Eucalyptus Potpourri)
10. “Goat play equipment”
• No it’s not some creepy fetish, it just turns out that some farmers like to keep their fun-loving goats amused. We even found a site with a nice product. Awww, cue the Willie Nelson video of “the Scientist” (for Chipotle)!
11. “Room and boars”
• Our client (Room & Board) made six sales off this search!
12. “Snore sounds like horse puffing”
• How do you know what a horse puffing sounds like? It is puffing ON something?

It’s an odd world out there in the Internet. Check back again in a few months to see more crazy searches uncovered by our search marketing gurus.

As a search engine marketing firm, the staff at Nina Hale Inc sees some strange and often hilarious search queries while working on client accounts. We’ve gathered the best of these searches for round two of “Weird Searches on Google.”  Enjoy — we did.

These are real searches that people conducted on Google from April, 2010 – January, 2011.

• accidental workplace nudity
• which alcohol can kill you
• why does corn come out whole
• a bunch of crap
• a fake story about a shopping mall
• why does she hate me
• cat in my pants
• how to wear a wool packer hat
• where did they get the furniture from Tron Legacy
• fruit privacy filter

Runners Up and Some Explanations

• Minneapolis is in different states, also what are they?
• what’s up with bernie mcbain
• a good looking soldier
• I need to order a yearbook!
• waxing tin pants
  Explanation: Filson sells “tin” pants that require waxing
• buffalo-breeding herd in partnership with their son, Jim
  Explanation: A direct quote from an article on Congressman Bob Beauprez
• accidental adult
  Explanation: A book titled “The Accidental  Adult: Essays and Advice for the Reluctantly Responsible and Marginally Mature” by Colin Sokolowski
• solar system plagued again by thieves
  Explanation: The title of an article discussing vandalism at the McCarthy Observatory in Cincinnati, OH
• bar lost eyes attack
  Explanation: A woman lost her eye in a bar fight with her boyfriend — he threw a drink at her, glass and all
• gun lock pick
  Explanation: There is a tool called the ‘lock pick gun’
• bon jovi wine in Minnesota
  Explanation: Jon Bon Jovi does in fact have a wine
• Ivan the drunk
  Explanation: An Off the Leash play called “Ivan the Drunk and His Terrible Tale of Woe”
• This is the future, I’m John Gordon
  Explanation: Jon Gordon hosts a tech segment on MPR called “Future Tense”

Come back every few months for more weird or funny searches we’ve seen.

The goal of search engines such as Google is to serve up relevant results for any given query, regardless of merit. As a search engine marketing firm, we get exposed to a lot of real doozies that makes us think, “how is this relevant?” “who are these people that searched on this?” or just “WTF?!”
 
Below the staff of Nina Hale Inc has gathered some of the funniest or weirdest search queries that we stumbled across while working on client accounts.

• gloves that people can shoot out web
• wool gangster shirts
• what were the boots worn by tom selleck in quigley down under
• do tuna cook while they swim
• who invented friction
• kitten smells like rotten eggs
• is turkey poop brown
• what is tuna made of
• what does Farrah Faucet look like
• did duck hunting change the world

Runners Up – or "You had me at 86 young!"
 

• golf cart dui
• bare thighs squeezes
• birth certificate for republic of guinea
• there he goes one of gods own prototypes
• free left-handed scholarships
• penile fitness
• can you wear wool in the rain
• 86 year young lady leaky heart valve surgery swollen feet ankles 
• what kind of boots does bruce springsteen wear
• what are small flat bottom boats such as duck hunting boats prone to do
• preppy dog collars for boys
• I can’t feel my fingers 

Thanks to Tami Esslinger on the NHI staff for compiling these from the staff. 
Come back every few months for more weird or funny searches we’ve seen.